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Bog Standard

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the comfort zone for daily publications, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. What a delight it was to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Consider the situation regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget during his peak popularity at Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college for toilet purposes during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled round the campus like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager post a quick discussion within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched struggling national team changing area directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's an extremely challenging position.” The English game has progressed significantly in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem named ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|